Well, this is the stressful day I know you have been waiting to read about. I feel like I need to preface this day with some facts you should know about why this day was so stressful. It seems that there have been days in my life that should have been more stressful, but for some reason the way this one happened made for a stress that that seemed to top them all.
So before I tell about the day, I want to disclose some background information that will explain my state of mind going into the day. I hope you know I am not stating these things to complain, only to explain where I was coming from this particular day.
1. Our home in Phoenix flooded on November 10th. Luckily, my brother-in-law was jogging past our house and noticed water coming out of our side yard and went to investigate. He discovered the leak somewhere between 12-18 hours after it began and the damage could have been so much worse had it gone on longer. We do have people renting our home, but they had not moved in yet, and were probably not going to for a few more days. As a result of the flood, I have been spending hours every night on the phone with everyone from contractors, my insurance, our property manager and more. The 12.5 hour time difference makes these phone calls pretty difficult to make and get called back at a reasonable hour, and coordinating everything from India is, well, difficult.
2. At the time this day happened, Ben had been gone for 2 days with a friend visiting different people all around Bangalore.
3. We are still adjusting to life here, homeschooling, trying to find ways for the kids to make friends. Many people speak English, but no understands me, and I do not understand them. Culturally there are just things that do not make sense to me, and I am constantly unsure of what the appropriate response is to the things I do understand them saying. -for example, the other day our toilet started leaking. I notified maintenance. No one came. I had the landlord notify maintenance, someone came. He was there for 15 mins., then said he would come back in 30 mins., he needed a different wrench. 3 days later I saw him in the lobby of our building. I asked when he was coming back, it had been 3 days. The plumber said I would have to go to our maintenance department. He was with a partner who said he would come up right then to look at it, but when he did he just told me to call maintenance. 2 days later they showed up at 7 o clock at night and worked for about an hour, totally dismantled our toilet and said they would be back in the morning. 4 days later, our toilet was totally dismantled and unusable, and no one had returned. Ben went to maintenance and demanded someone come and put the toilet back together. "We'll be there in 5 minutes" 4 hours later, they came and put the toilet back together. That is 1 example of how everything works here. When something breaks (which is quite often, they mostly patch things up in very shady ways here) I try to use it as long as I can, even broken, because I dread calling to have them fix it. I never know what they will do.
Now, the story actually begins at the beginning of the month. If I could add some super cheesy CSI:Miami music and moments where I could dramatically take off my sunglasses, I would definitely do that. Because I can't really do that here in my blog, you will have to add those things in with your imagination.
On November 8th, we hired a maid. She was supposed to come Monday- Saturday from 10:30 to 5 and help with the cleaning (Bangalore is very dirty-you have to sweep your whole house-no carpet here, only tile-at least a few times a day, dust every day here-lots of pollution, bugs and dirt), play with the 2 babies for a little while as I homeschool and hopefully help teach our kids Kannada (the local language here). We also hired a cook to come and teach me how to cook Indian food (cooking American food here is pretty impossible, no matter how much you want to). Every day the cook comes around 11 or 11:30 to make lunch for us while I watch her, and then she leaves. It is really important for the maid to come at 10:30, or call me and let me know she is not coming, because the counter is full of dishes and needs to be cleaned before the cook comes. (I know some of you are going to stop having sympathy for me here, that's why I need music and dramatic sunglass removal moments)
The first week that our maid worked for us she was really great. She worked really hard, looked for things to do. She was really responsive when I asked her to change the way she was doing something. However, Joshua and Zoe didn't warm up to her. If she looked at them or tried to talk to them they would cling to me and start crying "mama"- often both of them at the same time. Sometimes she would chase them around and they would scream. That part was definitely not helpful, especially when I was homeschooling and they would both insist on being held, and on being the only one who could be held, while I was trying to teach. In the meantime, she also started showing up whenever she felt like it. Sometimes it would be 10, sometimes 9, sometimes noon. Not a problem, as long as I know what is going on so I don't freak out and have to make a mad dash to clean up as the cook comes in-stressful as I am trying to watch and learn and also clean the dishes as she needs them. Also, she starts asking for advances on her salary almost every day, she needs help because she is a single mom with 2 kids. Then one day her daughter (5 years old) came down with a fever and she needed to go home to be with her. The next day she couldn't come to work because her daughter was sick. When she returned, I asked her how the baby was. She looked confused, then told me her son was fine. Son? I thought is was a daughter. No madam, my baby is a boy. Interesting, I thought it was a daughter. No problem. Baby is doing much better. 3 days go by. The son is sick again, she needs the day off. No problem. She returns, but cries all day long. I ask her what is going on. She says that her 5 year old daughter comes home from school every day at 4 and has to stay at home alone until her 13 year old son can come and take care of her. She is alone and scared and doesn't know what to do. I am significantly alarmed (American style-trust me, no Indian would be alarmed by a 5 year old being alone after school for 30 mins) and do not feel right having her stay and help me with my kids while leaving her daughter alone. Wait, it's a daughter again? I thought it was a son... hmm. Then she calls one morning and says that her son is sick and she needs to take him to the hospital. So, it's a son again. She tells me the name of the hospital and says that she will return as soon as she can. I thank her for calling and tell her I hope her son gets better. She calls my friend who speaks her native language at the end of the day and says that her son needs to stay in the hospital and will she please call me and tell me that she will return in 4 days. My friend says no problem, just please make sure that you bring the receipt from the hospital so that I know that she has been honest with me and isn't just taking a week long vacation the second week that she has been working for me. She says yes, she will bring the receipt. Her story seems a little strange, because she claims to have taken her son to one of the most expensive hospitals in Bangalore. Not only that, the hospital she chose is very far away from where she lives. There is a very good government hospital close to her home where she can get very inexpensive or free care, that most people would go to. On day 3 of our maid not showing up I am down on the playground and I run into the person who initially recommended our maid to us in the first place. She asks how everything is going. After explaining the situation, she says that something is not right. She is going to call her maid and have her call my maid and tell her that it is OK if you can't come for a few days, but please send someone in your place to do your work so the crazy white lady with the 4 kids doesn't go loony-toons. OK, maybe she didn't say that last part. However, about 30 mins. after I go back up to my apartment someone shows up at my door asking if I need a full time maid. I start closing the door and tell her I already have one. Then she tells me Bharathi (my maid) sent her. She only knows a few works in English, but she clearly tells me "Bharathi not coming." I ask her how Bharathi's baby is doing, is he still in the hospital. The new maid (Mala) looks very confused and says Bharathi not coming. I ask for some help translating from the cook when she comes and it appears as though Bharathi is not coming at all anymore and has sent this new maid in her place. She does a horrible job cleaning, but the kids really like her (including Joshua and Zoe) so I am sort of OK with that.
The next day (happens to be Thanksgiving) 9 am Bharathi rings the doorbell. I am confused. You came back. She says yes. I ask her if she sent Mala. She has no idea who Mala is. Do you have the receipt from the hospital? She forgot it. That's ok, just please bring it tomorrow. No problem. A few hours later, Mala shows up. I tell her Bharathi is here. She backs out of the door. I pay her for yesterday and she leaves smiling. I am confused, but my house got mildly clean and the kids got played with yesterday so I think everything is done. A few times during the day Bharathi gets phone calls where she is screaming into the phone in Kannada and waving her hands around. I hear the word "Mala" often, and my cook won't make eye contact with me or Bharathi. She leaves in a hurry, and I kind of want to follow her out the door, but my kids are here, so I stay. At one point Bharathi tells me that Mala is crying in someone else's apartment near ours. I am confused, what is going on? Bharathi doesn't know enough English to explain, she we give up trying to talk about it. The next day looks a lot like that one, except Mala doesn't show up at the door. Bharathi also forgot the receipt again.
And NOW>>> the actual day begins. It is now Saturday, November 26th. This is one crazy long post.
Bharathi shows up at the door. When she comes in I ask her for the receipt. She forgot again. I have spoken to my friend this morning, and she tells me that if Bharathi forgets the receipt again to call her. I do. We discuss. I ask my friend to tell Bharathi that honesty is really important to me, and if she didn't really take her son to the hospital, that's OK with me. She will not loose her job. But I DO want to know the truth. She either needs to tell the truth or provide a receipt. I need to know that she is honest and trustworthy. I can't have someone in my house all day long if I can't trust them, and right now I don't know that I can trust her. She is adamant. She was at the expensive hospital with her son. My friend says, no problem, you can have the rest of the day to go back to your house and get the receipt. She says "what if I forget it again" my friend says "when you just took all those buses to get home? I think you will remember" she says she doesn't think she will. My friend offers again to let her tell the truth. She still sticks to her story. Her son was in the hospital, why do we not believe her? My cook is here, she wants to know why we want the receipt. I tell her because we want to know we can trust Bharathi, she seems to not be telling the truth here. Bharathi then begins to cry and says that she needs this job to feed her 3 kids. Wait, 3 kids? Up until this point you have had 2 kids. By the way, I forgot to mention that Bharathi brought her 13 year old daughter to work with her today, so the whole time this is happening, her daughter is intently watching the whole thing. No madam, I have 3 kids. I am pretty sure now that I need to fire her. Not something I want to do with the 13 year old daughter here. We stare at each other for a few minutes. She says (defiantly) "what if I never bring my receipt, what will you do?" I call my friend. We discuss. Her husband has decided to get involved, he is a native speaker so it is easier for him to understand her. He recommends I fire her. He tells me to get her salary (I do) and give it to her and let her go. I give her the phone, he explains in her language so she really understands me that I need the person who works for me to be really honest. To call if they are not going to be there, and to tell me the truth. Honesty is really important in our family. Because she has changed her story so many times, we do not know what to believe. She must go. I bravely give her the money and ask her to leave. She refuses. I tell her to leave. She says no. I go to the front door and open it and tell her she must go. She sits down on the floor and refuses to leave. Her daughter tries to pick her up and ask her to go. She refuses and starts crying "3 children madam!!!" I walk close to her and she grabs my feet and refuses to let go. All my kids are asking "what's going on?" Zoe and Josh both want to be held by me. Her daughter is trying with all her might to pick up her mother and drag her out the door. Bharathi WILL NOT let go of my legs. I am crying. Please leave Bharathi. No madam, 3 children! How can I feed them! Bharathi, please leave. Madam, my oldest daughter is 18. She grew up in a government hostile (I am thinking this is some kind of orphanage). and she got married. I was invited to the wedding and I wanted to go. (Yes, now I am really crying) Please, don't fire me madam.
Now the cook comes over. "Please madam, give her another chance. Let her work for 5 days, until the end of the month. Does she do a good job cleaning? yes. Then give her another chance. Your God is so big and has given you so much, give her one more chance. How can I trust her? She is telling so many different stories. If she is dishonest in this, how do I know that she isn't dishonest in other things, or willing to steal. At his my cook looks at Bharathi and starts gesturing and yelling at her in one of the languages they speak and I hear words like police, arrested, and feed children for a while. Then she looks at me and says sweetly, she will not steal anything. I am taking a chance too, please, so many people have helped me. Let me help her. I say OK. She can stay. (What am I doing?!?) I close the door. Bharathi smiles. She will work hard, I will see. I can trust her. No more lying. Truth only.
So that ends the story for the day. A few more stressful things, but that is the heart of it.
I wish I could say the story ended there.The day did, but Bharathi missed 2 more days or work the next week. She turned off her phone so I couldn't call her or get a hold of her. She showed up at 7:30am the 3rd day. Luckily Ben didn't open the door all the way, he told her he she needed to look for a new job. She said OK and left. I have gotten harassed by a few of the maids in our complex-apparently the day we fired her sh sat at the playground all morning and told anyone who would listen that we fired her for no reason and that she has 3 babies to feed and I am so mean. I still see her occasionally. She isn't supposed to come into our apartment anymore, but she still does. I see her on the playground talking with the other maids. They all used to smile and wave, now they give dirty looks. Oh well, what can be done.
Hopefully there weren't too many grammar mistakes for my friends who care about such things. This post ended up being way too long for me to care about proofreading it. I hope you pictured some cheesy music and imagined me taking my sunglasses off in a very dramatic fashion while reading my story. Today I can laugh about it (kind of), and I hope you can too.
