While walking around Bangalore a few weeks ago I noticed a piece of the sidewalk seemed to be a little soft-it had been poured a while earlier. I couldn't help myself, I squatted right down and carved my initials into the wet cement. I have officially left my mark!
I haven't blogged much lately, mostly because I am having a hard time putting my thoughts into words. I am struggling over the loss of something precious- we have to leave Bangalore. Ben's job doesn't need us here anymore and so our employment visa requires us to leave by April 1st. We tried thinking of a different way for us to stay here, but no matter what we do, it will mean leaving Bangalore and returning "someday" on a different visa.
I feel like I will be leaving a piece of myself behind. Culturally India is so different from America, but so close to my heart. I fit here! in America I am always late. Here I am the first one anywhere I go and I never have to rush my kids out the door. Life moves quicker and slower at the same time. I heard once that for everything that is true in India, the opposite is also true in India. I believe that now. After living here, I see why some people hate it so much and why some people love it so much. I think you see what you want to see anywhere you go, but I fall into the love India category. I am just starting to really see my place here. I love the clothing, ladies...you get to dress up every day if you want to! Sparkles and bright colors are everywhere around you. A head bobble and a smile will get you almost anything you could possibly want here-for a few rupees. Bargaining, city life, friends, tea, autos, taxis, cycles, scooters, buses, trees, parks, people everywhere, trash, animals, bugs; everywhere you go life surround you.
I want to remember everything, but I feel like there is so much I have already forgotten.
In order to help myself remember what it was like here (and to help you to see a little bit of why I love it) I am going to try to blog every 2 or 3 days until I leave. I will continue on for those who are curious after we return to see how India has changed me. I feel freer here. (Is freer really a word?) I myself am curious to see what returning to American will be like for me and for my family.
In the next few days I hope to figure out how to video blog so that I can post some video of the small things here. Who wants to see me run across the street with the kids for groceries? Who wants to see what grocery shopping in India is like? Who wants to see me bargain for an auto? What else do you want to see? If you have a specific request, comment or email me and I will try to get it on video before I leave.
I really do think and hope we will come back here one day. Hopefully a day very soon. We have some plans for coming back and we haven't even left yet, so I think we will return. I hope.
My heart hurts for the loss of your expectation of what was to be. Specifically having to come back. Know that God has brought glory to Himself through your family's obedience and willingness to serve. He has grown and sharpened you. You have trusted Him and He will take you further and can trust you with even greater things. We still need to skype! Love you and your family.
ReplyDeleteJenn